So, you’ve been waiting on God for a spouse for some time now. At first, you started off strong, filled with fervor, and zeal for what God had for you. But now, you find yourself watching everyone around you getting engaged or married. You’re creeping up into your 30’s and now you’re starting to wonder to yourself: ‘God why am I left out?’ The strange thing is after a while you start feeling content being single. Like, WAAY too content being single, to the point where you are not concerned much about your spouse. Everyone is asking you about who you’re dating or if you’ve met someone and the only thing you can wonder to yourself is: ‘Is there something wrong with me?’ ‘Am I called to be single for the rest of my life?’
This is a question I wrestled with for 6 years while God consistently spoke and confirmed to me that I was to be married. The thing is, I thought that I was ok with being single for the rest of my life, but God showed me over the 6 years that I wanted to be single for the wrong reasons. The funny thing is when I was interested in marriage and was waiting on a spouse for the first years of my wait, I was also only interested in marriage for the wrong reasons. See, I’ve been on both ends of the spectrum, so the main thing I’m going to help you do in this blog post is to figure out whether or not you should desire to remain single or desire to be married.
“But I wish everyone were single, just as I am. Yet each person has a special gift from God, of one kind or another.”
1 Corinthians 7:7(NLT)
When I initially wanted to be married, I wanted it because God saw it is a gift, however as I increased in age, I lost sight of the initial godly reason and began to want marriage because it was just something that I thought was supposed to happen due to everyone experiencing it. Marriage to me, in my late teen years, was something that I just thought was supposed to happen and I really hadn’t given it much thought. Later on, I wanted to stay single because of disappointment in the men I was dating as well as feeling unworthy and undeserving of receiving good things from God.
The question you seek to be answered isn’t, ‘Am I called to be single?’, but really is instead, ‘Does God have a spouse for ME?’ Yeah, because it doesn’t exactly say in the Bible that God promises everyone a spouse, now does it? So, most of you reading this blog post are probably wondering if you will experience the glory of marriage or be ‘doomed’ to singleness forever, I say this sarcastically, as singleness is NOT a curse. I do know that there a few out there though, that might be curious about this post because they are strongly feeling called to live a life of singleness and if that’s you, don’t worry there are a few nuggets in here that will help you confirm the call.
The first thing we have to get out of the way is WHY do you want to be married? Or if you want to be called to singleness WHY do you want to remain single for the rest of your life? Or do you just feel like you’re called to singleness, but don’t WANT to be called to singleness, why is that?
Do you want to be married because:
- You want a man and a kid as a piece of arm candy so you can show off to your friends
- You feel like marriage is the only sign of success in life.
- You think singleness is a curse.
- You want attention from a man.
- You are so lonely that you want to fill that void with your husband
- You want someone who will take care of you for the rest of your life, while you don’t reciprocate that love in return. I.E. You want a sugar daddy.
- You want someone to help you take care of your kids, your bills, your work, everything. But, sis aren’t YOU supposed to be the HELP-meet when you get married? You’re the one who should be helping him, not being a burden to him.
- You want to be married to a perfect guy that does everything the way that you want things done and doesn’t ever annoy you one bit, because he’s perfect.
- Everyone else is doing it and you just don’t want to feel left out!
- You’re tired of pretending to serve Jesus and just want a man so you can have an excuse not to do what God told you to do.
- You’re tired of the persecution you’re facing for staying single. You don’t want odd stares, the colorful comments, nor do you want people treating you like you have leprosy.
Do you want to be single because:
- You hate kids, you hate men, in fact, you hate everyone and want to become a hermit for the rest of your life, so you don’t have to deal with people.
- You’ve had bad experiences in the past with men and don’t feel like there are any good men left
- You’re tired of dating losers and have given up hope in true love.
- You only have witnessed terrible marriages and now don’t think that there’s any possibility of having a long-lasting good marriage. So, you would rather avoid marriage than hope for a good marriage.
- You don’t want responsibilities, so you don’t want to be married.
- You don’t want to be called to singleness, but no men are currently approaching you. You think the lack of prospects are a ‘sign’ from God that He’s calling you to singleness.
- You don’t want to be single, but you’re approaching 30(or up) and everyone is looking at you as if you’re a sick puppy that will never be cured and some people are even suggesting you may be ‘called to singleness’.
- You don’t want to be single, but you don’t think you’re worthy of a good guy. You don’t believe God wants to bless you with something good like a husband, so you’ve given up hope.
“The disciples said to him, “If this is the situation between a husband and wife, it is better not to marry.”
Jesus replied, “Not everyone can accept this word, but only those to whom it has been given. For there are eunuchs who were born that way, and there are eunuchs who have been made eunuchs by others—and there are those who choose to live like eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. The one who can accept this should accept it.”
If you want to be married for any of those reasons or want/feel called to remain single for any of those reasons, chances are YOU are the one calling yourself into that season and NOT God. It is good to remain single so that more work for the kingdom can be done, as a married person walks in divided interests and are permanently bound to a person that could be used by Satan to slow down what God is trying to do in their lives. However, walking in singleness for the rest of your life takes a special kind of person, who is willing to not be selfish towards others nor lazy about the things of God. As someone called to singleness you also have to be willing to fight off urges that most people do NOT have the ability to fight off. Do you want to serve God with no distractions at all? Or do you desire companionship?
“So I would have younger widows marry, bear children, manage their households, and give the adversary no occasion for slander.”
1 Timothy 5:14(ESV)
Maybe you want to be called to marriage for the RIGHT reasons. You want to love your spouse, respect him, help encourage him to do what God has spoken for him to do, and to keep from falling into sin(such as idleness as well as fornication). Unfortunately, you don’t see any real prospects that you think are worth entertaining, and are starting to wonder when will this wonderful guy come into your life. If you truly believe deep down in your heart that you are called to be married or that you want to be married for the right reasons, then it’s your responsibility to cultivate your faith for your spouse during your wait. It would actually be disobedience to God if you did not trust and believe Him for a spouse, especially if you know that He desires or feels as though you would be better off getting married. I strongly believe that if the desire is in you to be married and it’s God’s will, He will guide you in the pathway of what to do while you’re waiting on Him to send your spouse. Do you think that God is building you to be someone who can help a man and not hinder him, even concerning ministry?
The funny thing is I’ve heard testimony of some people who really thought they were called to singleness for the rest of their lives and they ended up getting married. The thing was they were so focused on the things of God that they bumped into their spouse. These people who felt called to singleness really were focused on the things of God first and usually were open to a spouse. This is kind of how we all should be. We shouldn’t always have to obsess over a spouse, but instead should be focused first on God. If you obtain a spouse and that is what you wanted, then that is good. If not, it shouldn’t cause you to lose sight of what God is going to do in your life. I believe if God needs you to prepare for your spouse or even pray for your spouse that He will direct you in what to do in His timing. Otherwise, the best thing to do is to seek His kingdom and receive all that He has for YOU specifically.
“But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.”
———————————————ABOUT THE AUTHOR—————————————————–
Hi, my name is Adrianna! I’m a young woman who has a whole lot of faith and a whole lot of love for God’s people! Currently, I’m an Engineer student, who works as well. I love to write, I love to draw, and I love to code. So, I decided to combine all my talents into Missionary Gamer. My prayer is that these blog posts and all I do encourage and edify you in your journey with God.